My Chat Profile (for use anywhere profiles are needed):

This is going to sound very harsh, so I warn you now, leave if you're easily offended and, on top of that, I don't care if you're offended.  I'm not here on the 'Net or in a chat room for you.  I'm here to enjoy myself.  Go to another website if you're easily offended as you have no right being on mine if that's the case.

If you read this and believe it means I have a high opinion of myself, you're completely wrong.  It's not that I have a high opinion of myself - it's that I have an extremely low opinion of everyone else (with rare exception).
  1. My Age, Sex and Location do not matter.  Why?  You will never meet me.  The odds are I want nothing to do with you as it is.  Suffice it to say I'm of legal age.
  2. Pictures do not happen.  If you know me, you'll have seen me in person or in a picture somewhere already.  If you don't know me and you're asking for a picture, go fuck yourself.  You'll get one IF I decide you're worth it.
  3. Webcams also don't happen.  If you come at me asking for / demanding a webcam, I'll take a webcam and perform a colonoscopy on cam by shoving it up your ass.
  4. I'm not here looking for a hookup.  If you're a whore, slut, money grubber, back stabber, "Black Widow", unfaithful, a laying jackass or some other type of user of people, back the fuck off.  I don't want or need your kind in my life.
  5. Just because you're a friend of a friend, don't take that to mean I accept you or want anything to do with you.  On the contrary, I don't want or need any new acquaintances or friends at this point in my life, so, if I don't already know you, keep walking and stay away from me before I disembowel you with a sharpened spork.
  6. Don't take the fact I'm in the same chat room you're in as a reason to believe it's acceptable to speak to me and get a response.  I talk to whomever I choose.  If I don't talk to you, take that as a hint that I want nothing to do with you and move on.
  7. My instant messages are blocked so that only those on my friends list can get through.  If you're supposed to have access to me and you don't, e-mail me.  Otherwise, fuck off and die.
  8. Just because I'm joking and talking with known friends in a room and you happen to be there is not an indication that I will behave similarly with you.  I will likely ignore you because I have no interest in you. 
  9. If you say something that pisses me off, you can expect my undivided attention just long enough to verbally contort you to shove your head even further up your own ass and then ignore you forever.
  10. When I'm in a chat room, I'm there to explore the topic or play a game.  If you are going to attempt to distract me from doing so by whining that I won't talk to you or incessantly posting shit in the room to me, prepare to be impaled on the nearest telephone pole.
  11. I'm not looking for a significant other.  That would require trust.  I've been shown by others that my choices in who I trust are questionable due to their actions which caused me to become as I am now.  I don't know you.  I don't trust you.  I don't like you.  Get used to it.  If you can't handle it, leave me the fuck alone and STFU about it.
  12. If I choose to ignore the fact you exist, kindly do the same and leave me the hell alone before you say something to piss me off.
  13. If you're a friend of a friend, that does not in any way, shape or form make you immune to pissing me off or me ripping you a new ass.  If anything, it makes you more susceptible to it because, as a friend of a friend, you should have been warned about me and know better.  If you haven't been warned, ask anyone who knows me and you'll be told to handle with care.
  14. Despite you thinking so, you're not different from anyone else.  Everyone says that and they all turn out to be the same - wastes of my time.  Accept that you are a waste of my time or find a way to prove me wrong.  If you can do the latter, I may speak to you.  If you can't, then you're the former and I won't acknowledge you're alive.
Picture

The Rules according to Loki

I thought it was high time I posted this again, just because it's necessary to give reminders on occasion. This was originally posted on Yahoo. As a caveat to number 9, I never, ever, EVER give second chances, so if you blow your only chance, it's your fault, not mine, and you're gone. 
  1. Don't ask for pictures. You'll get them if I know you, feel comfortable with you, and want you to have them.
  2. Don't ask for my real name. If you don't already have it, it's not gonna happen. Don't ever use it in open chat if you do have it unless you get the feeling (by asking and me saying so) that it's ok. I hate that. If you've found out my name through someone else and attempt to use it, be warned - I have no problem shoving a live rattlesnake up your ass so you can be bitten to death from the inside.
  3. Don't read my blog and talk to me if you're looking for a relationship, to cheat on your significant other, or to jump in the sack. I don't want your kind.
  4. Where Dragons take spleens, Lokis take your sanity and livers. Why the livers? As much as I've been known to drink sometimes, I may need a spare. As for the sanity, well, I'll worm my way into your brain and cause you to become suicidal over time.
  5. Liking Manowar, or at least giving them a listen, is helpful
  6. Being a fan of Fantasy and Sci-Fi is always good.
  7. If you're a bible thumper, get out of my face before I make you eat it with Tabasco sauce on it.
  8. Just when you think you know me and have me nailed down, think again, because I like being unpredictable.
  9. If you get on my bad side, you're there to stay. The only way to get off my bad side is ritual seppuku (if you don't know the term, look it up and practice).
  10. If you get on my good side, be careful not to get on my bad side.
  11. No one survives a run in with me. It's that simple. There may not even be enough left for a dentist to identify the remains.
  12. Treat me with respect and you'll be treated in kind. Treat me with disrespect, and you'll regret it for the rest of your life - both seconds of it.
  13. If you can't hold your liquor, you'll be laughed at mercilessly.
  14. If you like boy bands, Michael Jackson, or something else that sucks, you'll be ridiculed until you feel compelled to end your own life.
  15. I have a warped code of honor that embodies parts of the Viking code, Pirate code, Bushido, and the ethics stood for by every John Wayne character ever to grace the screen. You'd do well to be informed about these things before attempting to deal with me.
  16. I'm here to have fun. If you're going to drag me down by whining, complaining, shit stirring, causing drama or something else like that, expect a nuclear weapon to be shoved past your sphincter and detonated.
  17. I have a warped sense of humor and pick on people I like. If I don't pick on you, I either don't know you, or I don't like you. If I don't like you, I abuse you.
  18. I'm honest to the point of brutality. I've been known to make people cry. Be prepared.
Picture

The New, Improved, Revised Rules According to Loki

After re-reading my rules, as posted on Yahoo in 2006, I thought it was time to update them, as some of them need to be changed, some need to be removed, and some things need to be added. Without further ado, here are the new rules according to Loki:
  1. The pictures on my profile are the only ones in existence I choose to share. Don’t ask for more.
  2. Don’t ask for me to get on webcam. I won’t do it, and I may drive to your house and use it to show the world how a colonoscopy is done.
  3. If you’re looking to cheat on your significant (or insignificant) other and you’re looking my way to do it, keep on walking. I don’t play that game. You’ll find willing idiots elsewhere on the web who don’t care if you’re attached or not.
  4. When you cross me, I go after your sanity and your will to live. It’s as simple as that. I want to turn you into a raving lunatic that will gladly get on webcam to commit ritual seppuku. Once that’s accomplished, I’ll be happy again.
  5. Enjoying or knowing about heavy metal (especially Manowar, Iron Maiden and Iced Earth), Sci-Fi and fantasy are always a help, since those are the things I enjoy most.
  6. Don’t come at me talking about religion and how I need it in my life. I’m driving the party bus to hell and I’m happy about it. I don’t need someone waving their bible in my face telling me to repent or quoting passages from it to tell me how immoral I am or how sinful my life is. Besides, if you’re doing that, you’re also in violation of the tenets of that same book, so, look in a mirror and STFU!
  7. Don’t ever think you can predict every move I’ll make. It’s not possible. I come up with some of the strangest, off the wall, odd things just to keep people on their toes and guessing.
  8. Most things with me are in black and white. You’re a friend / family or you’re an enemy. If you’re neutral, it’s because I don’t know you yet to have formed an opinion about you, but, realize I automatically begin with hating people to save me time.
  9. Trust is earned very, very, very excruciatingly slowly with me. I don’t let many people in and I intend to keep it that way. Misplaced trust is a killer.
  10. I believe in all out attacks. There’s never such a thing as overkill. There’s just enough kill. I’m the type who’ll use verbal or physical attacks on people that are the equivalent of MOAB or a tactical nuclear weapon to take on one person who’s pissed me off, and I won’t rest until I’ve defeated them. If you choose to have a run in with me, notify your next of kin and keep 911 ready to be dialed at any minute. You’ll need them.
  11. It’s all about respect. If you treat me with respect, I’ll do the same with you. If you disrespect me, prepare to be eviscerated, flayed, defenestrated, disemboweled or for me to shove a lit stick of dynamite past your sphincter.
  12. My code of honor and code of life in general are formed by the Code of Chivalry, Bushido, the Pirate Code and the values represented by John Wayne’s characters in each of his movies. Add to that Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War”, and you’ll have an idea of who and what you’re dealing with in me.
  13. I’m here to have a good time with friends. Don’t ruin it for me. If you do, you’ll find yourself gone from my life in a heartbeat.
  14. You are given one chance only with me. I do not give second chances. If you blow it, you’re gone, and I can do that to you with no remorse and without saying a word to you simply because the one warning that it could happen should be all anyone needs.
  15. Brutally honest has been used to describe me relatively frequently. I’ve been known to make people cry by pointing out the truth and finding out their minds and egos are too weak to handle it.
  16. I come across as harsh, rude, brash and blunt, but it’s for a reason – I am. If I choose to let you see more than that, it’s because you’ve shown me something that’s made me decide to let you in just a bit more. If that’s all you ever see, I’m purposely keeping you within nuclear blast range.
  17. If you’re a friend of mine and are also a friend of an enemy of mine, I’ll never ask you to choose between us, but, I won’t be happy about it and will be wary of what I say to you, not wanting to have someone using “advanced scouts” since they’d know of our friendship as well.
  18. If I’m involved with someone and it’s supposed to be exclusive, I fully expect that it is such, and that they’re not messing around with others. As a caveat, if you’re a friend and you start messing around with said significant other I’m involved with, expect me to come neuter you in front of your family and then rip your heart out and serve it deep fried for dinner to them.
Picture